Over at Think By Numbers, a terrific little website that could perhaps be best described as pithy, Mike P. Sinn wrote a long piece on corporate welfare and social welfare programs and came up with a humorous parody:
Help save the "CEOs Charitable Trust"
There’s so much suffering in the world. It
can all get pretty overwhelming sometimes. Consider, for a moment the sorrow in
the eyes of a CEO who’s just found out that his end-of-year bonus is only going
to be a paltry $2.3 million.
“It felt like a slap in the face. Imagine
what it would feel like just before Christmas to find out that you’re going to
be forced to scrape by on your standard $8.4 million compensation package
alone. Imagine what it was like to have to look into my daughter’s face and
tell her that I couldn’t afford to both buy her a dollar sign shaped island and
hire someone to chew her food from now on, too. To put her in that situation of
having to choose… She’s only a child for God’s sake.”
It doesn’t have to be this way. Thanks to
federal subsidies from taxpayers like you, CEOs like G. Allen Andreas of
Archer Daniels Midland was able to take home almost $14
million in executive compensation last year. But he’s one of the lucky
ones. There are still corporations out there that actually have to provide
goods and services to their consumers in order to survive. They need your help.
For just $93 billion a year the
federal government is able to provide a better life for these CEOs and their
families. That’s less than the cost of 240 million cups of coffee a day. Won’t
you help a needy corporation today?
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